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| sooo i havent 'blogged' in ages.... just thought i'd write quick about how odd im discovering that i am... so yesterday, i was getting ready to call a guy who i recently started talking to, and i was sooo unbelievablly nervous. i dont think i've been that nervous since....well idk when. but i started to dial his number and suddenly stopped.....got up.....BRUSHED my teeth....and then called him. idk....i should start writing in here again. and stop just SAYING im gonna write, and actually DO it | | |
| well....here i am writing again...and -surprise- its cause im sad now im not looking for pity or anything of that nature, i just need to vent....however i have to say that i seem to suffer rejection after rejection when it comes to the opposite sex. which stings enough the way it is, but the worst part is that im beginning to think its my own fault. so today i spent 10 minutes looking in the mirror and trying to figure out way. and here are a view things im realizing about myself.... - i have lost myself this summer....forgotten who i am, what im about, what i stand for
- i let myself fall for guys i cant have, and apparently guys only want me when they cant have me...which makes for painfully awkward encounters with the opposite sex followed by even more awkward falling outs
- i am lonely....i was ok with the single thing for the past year and half or whatever, but its getting old. im also maybe feeling a little pressure because more and more of peers are gettin engaged.
i just dont understand the 'hot & cold' game....if you like me, let me know, and if i like you then whats the problem? is the whole game of do-we-or-dont-we a mandantory stage of relationships today? sure i enjoy the chase a little, in both directions...but it gets to the point where, ya know im not even sure what point it is but im 22 damn years old and im tired of guys making me feel ridiculous | | |
| ha that title is so lame...but i opened the box, clicked on title and starting typing...and thats why my fingers put out so i'm leavin it there i spent some time tonight reading over almost all of my old entries...i am so weird. i dont mean that in a bad way, i just write about the most random stuff. im somewhat saddened by the fact that i never write in here anymore....but i'm noticing that nobody really does. cept jewel, she's a trooper. way to be  i used to really enjoyin writing....i shoudl do more of it. i only do it when i feel strongly inspired by something. my most frequent source of material is sadness/frustration/confusion etc....and its been a good source at times. but i wanna be able to express myself when im Happy too. not even just happy....all feelings. new goal: strive to improve writing skills to be able to include the entire spectrum of human emotion i started to get really interested in photography last year....i wish i wasnt too scared to explore that more. i think the greatest job would be a sports photographer. the challenge of capturing an emotional moment in someones career.....and sports provide a lot of oppurtunities for displaying different emotions. real athletes are dedicated competetors who have invested themselves in the game they play. its not just winning and losing - joy, heartbreak, anger, frustration, excitement.....there's just an energy about it. my loserass camera is broken right now so thats complicating issues slightly... well....thats all i got for now. im bored....and not tired...at all....lame | | |
| uh oh....could it be?.....i think it is... BUTTERFLIES! :) mhmm.....good feeling :) still kinda a train wreck though | | |
| I REALLY NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER...I AM A MESS...FUCKIN WRECK I AM GIVING UP ALCOHOL FOR LENT... SERIOUSLY GUYS SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME TO GROW UP NOT IMPRESSED WITH MYSELF LATELY | | |
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